| And her spirit spills with blood onto the pavement. |
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[25 Oct 2005|04:28pm] |
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my best friend and i won't ever laugh together again. ouchhh.
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| baggypants, i'm sorry. |
[27 Jun 2005|01:11am] |
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you're pulling too hard. i can't crack the code. you speak in lies with the truth buried so well, with such careful consideration and your smooth sequencing. smoother than each pore piled so closely together on your cheeks. i've run my fingers over them far too many times, enough to remember the feeling with each second of interaction between shaking fingers and sweaty pores to the chemicals from our mouthes shooting out, it was the only time you've ever spoken your truth. it was the only time you've ever spoken. don't apologize 'cause it was my birthday. so uncomfortable with each comforting coress, but so smooth and so careful. the scariest feeling you've felt in years. have you found yourself yet? by experimenting with my head until it explodes, rushing the salt water to my eyes, my eyes, bright blue before i met you, turned to red from water and intoxicants that rush the feelings from my brain to my mouth. we're talking to fast to comprehend, the words, they spill like the smoke poring from your mouth. each word with such consideration we had thought. only to regret them in the vodka covered words spoken from longly-ness and regection. only later to leave for the feeling of certainty you feel with him when your brain burries the code deeper in your lies, and your tongue burrows deeper down his throat, it's the only way you'll make it alive, right? as the brain cells fade quicker and quicker with each heartbeat burning with the yerning for what you should do, or where you will end up. you'll spit out one peice of the code with each brain cell that was lost as i place it so carefully into one of the only brains cells i have left while you drag the rest away with the memories you wont let me to forget, and with your strength to hide. the wound in my lip is raw and tethered and the burning of the hook, placed so carefully next to my lip, finally kicks in. i'll drownd with the anticipation and angst for your regretion only to be caused by fear of what they'll think. you're the only one to catch me like this and minipulate me so well. it's usually what i do best, you stole my leading role. you're the only one to push and pull so hard, to repel and retract so easily with all unsteady-ness, you walk with a limp and your head down, put away the sunglasses we'll make it out alive. you're pulling too hard. you're pushing away too far. you're pinching too hard. hidden in the weakest heart is the strongest code, your guards are up and ready with the look of defeat and betrayal in their eyes. the look on their faces will not give in, it hurts to watch their eyes, they wont give in. you have to give them the order. they wont back down unless told. i can't tell them. they wont listen to me. i'll cover you with more chemicals than you can handle if you'll spit truth with out it hidden between the lines of the lies that push us apart. your fingers tell the truth with each movement made to hide it from the world. i'm the only that has to catch on. i'm searching like crazy. false. false. false. false happiness. stoping thinking in terms of 'right' the answer can be truth for once. take the chance. i can open the case. your fingers know whats right the truth is written on them. you shouldn't have erased it. you've burned long enough to know you're brain will never reason with them. you're too strong to pull so hard. my lip will rip. the line will split. the code will be crashed, and never cracked. you'll never talk. everytime we open our eyes we hope for it. we fell asleep attached and held with the best of strength but woke up so far apart our fingers didn't even help it then. learn your own strength, take your own pre-cautious, mine have already been thrown away. it's too attatched, no turning back. you started off too scared only to end with more power you can handle. your arms are getting tired theres too much force from each direction, too many options. not enough information, and too much pushing and pulling. your codes the only one i wasn't able to crack. i want it so bad it's lost it's point, i've forgotten the reason and the strength for my drive to get what i want. you think i always get what i want, then give me what i want. stop pulling so fucking hard. don't break the rope. the lines not strong enough to hold us much longer. it's the only thing we have. i'll have to let go when it snaps. with the wound still raw and my lip left in pieces dangeled on your hook, it will be all you have left. the salt water's my only hope to survive, but he just doesn't do it, he'll never mend me like you. i'll have no choice but to get away, i can't stay here and watch you catch the next like i've seen so many times before. you hate to see me cry, when it feels like you accomplished your goal. you know the salt will mend it, turn my wound into a scar and you'll walk away with your head high no marks left on your body and mine poring from the inside. give me the code. don't stay alone. i've tried everything. you've reeled me in with lies of truth and pushed me away with truth-filled lies. stop pulling so hard. stop explaining what i should do because your sympathy is covered in jealousy and we can all smell it on your breath, even from down here. you can't hold the code forever, your hiding places are limited and my research was done too well to fihgt it. you're too strong to be so weak. give in. fold. you wont win this game without losing a thing. the salt water will mend my wound and no one will suspect a thing we're safe down here. they'll never know. they can't smell a thing. help me make it out alive. my trust is stronger than ever. they'll never suspect a thing. stop pulling so fucking hard.
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| i'm coming apart at the seams. |
[08 May 2005|06:15pm] |
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Everything is so great that it's the worst it's been in years. My un-educated brain is battling my useless body, and you're stuck in the middle with your guard down. Yeah, something's going on. And we have all the answers but none of the questions, so don't bother asking, it only needed to be said. I'll update soon with things you have missed, and more details, in .jpg form, of course.
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| and you look scurrrred. i am black. |
[13 Feb 2005|09:57pm] |
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i don't know if i can write and listen to music. i don’t know if i even like you. i don’t think i do. So I’ve gotten numerous amounts of comments and people telling me to update. This only makes me wait longer to update. I don’t please the public. I don’t please you. But then when you told me to. I did. ‘cause you’re the only one I like. Hey I’m proud of you. You move your legs well. So, people. You’ve missed a lot. The most evolvement I think I have overcome. Maybe. I hit my head. I did. Hard. Real hard. Decided it was time to change. Change it all. Then Thursday I washed my hands in the right sink. The right sink was so fucking routine. I forgot about the routine. That damn routine. I failed math. Well, algebra 1. for the third time. Math is so different. So correct. Calculating? Heh. In math, you need to be taught the correct procedure you need the exact formula to figure out the problem. It needs to be taught correctly. Or you get no where. There’s no guessing here. It’s right or wrong. You’re right or you’re wrong. I’m always fucking wrong. English I do so well, I use my head. My head gets me everywhere. And then it gets me no where. You don’t know it though. You don’t. English you speculate. You stop and you think. And you’ll get it. You can take a guess and be okay. No shot down with a “wrong!”. Cassie you need a need a new teacher. ‘cause this one’s got you stumped. Kassie with a K’s song. Heh. Hey Angela forgave me. For that thing a couple years ago. I was stupid. I’m glad she forgave me. Okay so you. I know you’ve just been dying to be mentioned. Skimming threw this for your name. there’s no names here. No name calling from me. You’ve got everything but the one thing I need most. I can give you everything you need. She can too. We did. We changed what we wanted. Used what we could. But in the end. Realized you’re missing the one thing. The one thing they’re all missing. Except for that one, that one that I talk to that makes me weak. I wish he knew how amazing he was. But he’s not, he’s missing everything else. Everything you have. And he’s got everything you need. This leaves me waiting for one with both. This leaves us waiting for them. You’ve got him you know? You do. You like him so much you can’t admit it remember? You have him. Oh, I’d kill to say you’re name right there. I almost did. It would have fit perfectly. So back on you. I hate you because you’re missing the one thing we need. We’ll, you & I, not her & I never get along again, don’t get it twisted. So because of the wait you get da long shiat fo’sho. My mess will have to come next. But remember, you’re the mess. I really did have fun last night though.
( so it wasn't totally useless. )
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| I have a yellow pin. |
[09 Jan 2005|04:40pm] |
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There isn't enough time in the day. I want so bad for something different, but I don't even have enough time to finish my daily routine, so where can I fit in change? My day consists of school, homework, the gym then sleep. Difference comes with conflict and less accomplishment.
Things that have changed since you've been gone:
- I run on tea, various energy drinks and hopes.
- He's fickle but I can understand.
- I watch too much Sex and the City and Six Feet Under, but I love it.
- I strive for development only to find similarity in everything.
- I'm losing my memory, already?
- I don't think of you anymore, but my new book mentions your name every page.
- I met someone sweet.
- I fell up a flight of stairs.
- Gabby and I don't write notes anymore, wheres the yellow folder?
- I'm genuinely happy, I wasn't, but I am.
- My hands are cold.
- I pop it like it's hot.
- My grades are falling, someone motivate me.
- I'm addicted to this song. (#6 hostage)
- I'm happy.
- I'm happy.
- I'm happy.
- I'm over you.
- I need you.
- It's the new era.
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| Oh, to be you. |
[19 Dec 2004|01:14pm] |
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Blah. Guess it's time for an update. I can't even remember what I've done since the last update. Wow. I think that means nothing exciting. I know I haven't done anything exciting. School, homework, gym, sleep. Repeat.
( I'll update soon with more words. I promise. I think. )
Oh i can run away,
I run away real good.
Maybe I should have when I had the strength.
"Back off or someone will die, back off or someone will die"
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| This time I'm not being subtle. |
[27 Nov 2004|11:11pm] |
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Fuck. My vacation went oddly well the past few days. Mark's house, Kait & Gabby at my house, mall, Kori's house with Lionel & Mark, Thayer st. until 12 pm, sleeping at Kori's, there was this show tonight too, I didn't really understand why we had to sit threw such horrid bands to get to the northwood, but then this nice girl I met said it was a text heh, that makes sense. So all we've got left is tomorrow. So really now, what happened to us? And more importantly, is this salvigable? What am I talking about though, did we really even have anything aside from hopes. Were things really as great as I had seen them at that time? All I had been doing was hoping, you helped me though, helped me hope. Helped the illusion of what we would become. So in my head building up this amazing future, well near future like in weeks soon to come. I need to stop that. Looking back we had barely nothing, I'd be suprised if you even think I'm talking to you actually I'd be even more suprised if you even read this. I miss the hopes of what we could have been, even with the lose of truth, I liked the dreams.
I'll put pictures in the mourning.
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[17 Nov 2004|11:25pm] |
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Quite normally I'm bursting with things to write. Now, I feel, written out? I don't know. I've put off updating for awhile hoping I'd come up with something. Got nothing. So does this mean I'm sad? No. I'm not. I'd know, wouldn't I? Who isn't aware of their feelings? Who is aware of their feelings? I don't know again. See the thing is, I'm happy. Can't you smell my self approval? Maybe I'm afraid to write, afraid to think of the things that could go bad. Thinking, such a great privledge, yet so dangerous. Use it well. This isn't going anywhere, just use-less drivel, as always. You know I like you right? I think I've made that clear. I hope I have. Oh yes I almost forget, okay I didn't, it just sounded good, over the weekend me & Gabby went out, since friday was the first snow fall & took some nice pictures.
( uhm, pimp. )
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[04 Nov 2004|06:15pm] |
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No subject, un-sure what this will contain, yet writing until I'm tired of it, or rambling non-sense. This weekend, it was a nice weekend hanging out with Kori again was fun. Also, I liked hanging out with Val again too. So, thanks guys. My school has become pathedic to me, I no longer can see the differences in people, they're just, kids, in my school. Kids, I don't care for. Not taking the time to get to know one, not even one of them, deciding my opinion on the first glance. Wrong of me? Of course. Yet I am so un-bothered by it, it's scarey. Oppertunities. They come at odd times. Say you want to do something, you're un-sure, but you have like a strive for it at some point. The oppertunity comes, you don't take it. How stupid are you? It was right there. How many other chances are you going to get? None. Lesson for the day: an oppertunity comes, take it. Don't miss out because you had to think this one out. Where will this thinking get you? In a worse state than you started. So now people are reading this, thinking of ways it could have to do with them, kids in my school thinking, she doesn't like me. That's not true. By the way, I'm glad we talked, and I'm glad I came to you about things. Like, really glad. This post is dumb, but well needed? Oh yeah, my bestfriend is better then yours. She could teach you, but she'd have to charge.
( so tell me why do men look good in girls clothes, but girls don't look good in men's? )
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| my body's too bodilicious |
[17 Oct 2004|08:50pm] |
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This weekend was wonderful. I don't want to go back to school. I can't wait until progress reports though, I have 2 A's and 2 B's. Maybe that's nothing to you, but for me, it is. I probably sound like a nerd. So I want to be cool and subtle like you, but, I'm cool at you. I hope this makes you smile. Anyways, I'm going to start babysitty this girl. She has this terminal desease, her brain compasity is so small she can't communicate with anyone. She'll be dead by the age of 10. She's six now. And her parents drive her to Texas once every year because she can't take planes. They do this because it is the only place where they can treat her, to keep her breathing for accouple more years. Though still unable to communicate in anyway, never recovering. They have four years left with her, if they're lucky, they have four years with their child whom they've come to love, and they know it. Now, how much do you cherish the things you have? I have a feeling I'll learn more from her then my english teacher.
I had fun this weekend. ( A lot of fun. )
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| I feel better, when there's no one else to blame. |
[14 Oct 2004|06:35pm] |
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I never know how to start these off. So I guess that was a nice way. Lately my body has been overcome by lassitude, I'm thinking it's do to lack of iron or protein? I don't know. So do you guys remember the new boys on the block? Yeah, they're good, they're good shit. So today I went to Gabriella's house. The plan was to go outside and take nice pictures & you know get in a walk while it's still nice wheater. Well the mother nature just wouldn't have that. It rained. Not a lot but enough to keep us inside. On another note, everything is going well. You know, you know. This weekend should be good, I think, maybe. Don't have much to write, maye more later? I don't know.
( click dis shiat fo' sho'. )
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| NEW LAYOUT LIKE WHOA! |
[11 Oct 2004|06:12pm] |
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So, I fixed my journal up. I think it's pretty desent. I read this book. This boy has this best friend. He gets a girlfriend. The best friend and the girlfriend hate eachother. The girlfriend says "I guess we're just fighting over you". The boy ends up sending his best friend to jail and never talking to the girlfriend again. His mother says to him "boy, you got even with your bestfriend for your girlfriend and then got even with your girlfriend for your best friend, when are you going to stop getting even wiht yourself?". Do you see any relation? Maybe it went way over your head, I don't care. Anyways, theres a new boy on the block, we think he's cool. Do you think he's cool? I do. I've missed you live journal, you've been neglected, I'll make it up to you, promise.
( these were so over-do )
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| his spirit spills to the ground for once instead of hers like blood or something. |
[10 Oct 2004|11:47pm] |
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do the rockawave |
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Yo this is drew-mysta andrew cook updating Kassie's journal cus shes toooo lazy to get off her lazy ass and update it herself. so I took the privilege.
okay so kassie told me to write that shes doing alright in school ( I wish I could) and that she sits alone at lunch with gab. Then every 5 minutes gab and kassie wave at me across the lunch cafeteria to actually distract me while shane and sean eat my food... nah that doesn't happen.
--- Friday, Kassie went over Nicole's house with ninja master Gab and they had a british style tea party. After the tea party they went to the football game and watched Attleboro kick ass. After the game Kassie then slept over Gab's house and they got into ninja knife fight. Gab won, but Kassie broke her leg.
--- Saturday, The next day Kassie and her family went to New Hampshire. She kissed garrett goodbye because she wasn't going to be able to see him for a long time. It was kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss all over Garrett's face. Then something happened and she wrote alot down by the lake.
--- Today she passed by Anita's grave in rememberance of her death 2 years ago that also struck me personally. Afterwards she went to Val's party and got wicked drunk and danced for quarters and Chicken Mcnuggets. It was fun.
Actually I played with the story but I made it more interesting for all of you. This is what really happened ... x dont wake me: uhm, friday- nicoles wiht gab then game then slept at Gabs, saterday- NH with the family, was told to call Dan's parts Grandma & Papa [weird weird] & sat by the lake writing, today- hoped to stop by anita's grave came home too late, didn't want to go to Val's party but did & had funy a little.
EVERYONE HAVE A SAFE COLUMBUS DAY!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Cook : www.livejournal.com/users/andrewcook
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| Let us die. |
[13 Sep 2004|07:26pm] |
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Updates are at a minimum, only like five people read anyways. So yeah I've done some cool stuff after school. I don't know. Today was fun. Yeah, bye.
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| MARSHFIELDBITCH! |
[06 Sep 2004|09:48am] |
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I'M HOME! ya hurr?
I was off at marshfield from last monday, 'till this monday. It was pretty fucking cool. Manda came down with me monday 'till friday. That was good time, me & Manda always have a good time, we were right on the water so it was cool to listen to it falling asleep & watch the sunset/rise there. Friday night we came home, me and Gab went to see the cadence, faraway, whistler, & the brilliant misstake [not a sp, they like it like that.] I only liked the cadence & faraway, but it was a good time. Then that night I slept at Manda's with Steph & saterday mourning we went back to marshfield. Saterday was my Dad's birthday so we all part-ahhhh-ed, like it was 19 fucking 99. A bunch of these college boys some how ended up in the house. They were real drunk. It was funny. & earlier before that me. Manda & Steph were walking down teh beach & got cold, & these kids were sitting at this fire they made so Manda & Steph plop down at the fire & say "HEY!". So I followed, meeting new people, all because of them [haha]. It was funny. The kids thought we were weird, but it was still funny. Though I was being a pissy asshole most of the time, I had a fucking awesome time it was had to be the greatest way to end my summer. Thanks for coming guys. & Thanks for reading. Maybe I'll post pictures. Maybe not.
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| What's broken can be fixed tonight. |
[30 Aug 2004|03:04pm] |
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Okay time for an update. I've had a fun week & what not. Okay now I'm going to tell you 3 things I'm most thankful for, because I fucking can.
1. Talking to Hillary Mielbye on the phone while her friend was on the other line.
2. Jess Holske IMing me on her friend's s/n at one point.
3. Megan Lenhart throwing her party in 8th grade & inviting me.
Don't get it? Oh well, you shouldn't. But with out those 3 things a very important friendshil may not have started. So, because of those 3 things, I am thankful.
p.s. I'm going away tonight [monday] to friday so be sure to call my cell millions of times.
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| And bleed you from your wrists |
[22 Aug 2004|01:33pm] |
I keep putting off updating, not sure why. So heres whats been happening;; Monday night me and Manda slept at Gooch's & Darius & RJ came over 'till about 12. Tuesday we hung out at Gooch's & Darius & RJ came over again then later on after Steph went to cheerleading we went to the movies with Darius, Manda, RJ, Steph, & Lauren then Manda & Steph slept over. Wednesday I was supposed to go to Bobby's but Gab took to long so I just went to the wnm. Thursday was warped tour, at first we were bummed b/c not many great bands were playing but we ended up have a good time check out Gab's [![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) gun_called_love]</span> journal for the pictures. Then friday I woke up at 4:30pm for some odd reason & plans got messed up & me and Gab were supposed to go to the mall but her parents aren't allowed to drive me [b/c we're such bad kids (sarcasm)] so I just went straight to Kori's & Gab came there afterwards. We both slept there watched some movies & had a grand ole' time. Saterday me and Gab went to TREOS, HFC, the actual, & junior varsity. It was a really good show, I had a good time. Now tonight I have to babysit 4-8 so yeah finally a day to myself I've needed one for some time. Thanks for reading & have a wonderful night all.
[[EDIT]]
I NEED NEW FRIENDS SO BADLY.
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| As you swallow this confession... |
[14 Aug 2004|05:10pm] |
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I should update more often but I can never really think of anything interesting to say. Lately things have been going pretty well, accouple fights bu their just those kinds that are over with the next day. I've been pretty busy but not doing anything to exciting or anything out of the norm. I need more/new friends, any takers? Didn't think so. I resently hung out with Kori which I haven't in awhile so that was fun. I want to do something I wouldn't do on a regular basis. I think I'm done, oh yes and I feel an urge to tell you how great Jess Phan & Gabrielle Franscechelli are, so there. Have a wonderful day all.
& leave me with this scar <333
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| I need you so much closer. |
[04 Aug 2004|01:07pm] |
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My appoligies for not updating in so long. Okay first things first;
JOIN, bitch you know you want too.
Okay now, lately I've been quite ( busy )
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